Slowly but Surely

It has been a CRAZY week!!

Last Saturday was one year since Emelyn's ultrasound/diagnosis - the day our world came crashing down and we were both rushed in for an emergency procedure.  Now it feels like every day is another milestone/memory of where we were exactly one year ago.

And it has now been just over 8 months since we last held our precious Em, I can't believe that my Emelyn would be 8 months old already!  It seems like FOREVER since I held her in my arms but an eight month old?!  WOW!

Anna and I both had the stomach flu this last week, and with all of the emotions already from all of the anniversaries, plus the morning sickness I was already dealing with, it made for a HARD few days - not to mention having Justin all the way across the country too!  I ended up going to the ER and being treated for dehydration and a UTI.  They gave me some medicine which I had an allergic reaction to and the ambulance had to come to our house!  My tongue was so swollen I couldn't keep it in my mouth or talk, it was quite scary and embarrassing too.  And through it all, Anna was completely oblivious, she was just excited to have "visitors" and to see the lights on the trucks.

We DID get to see our new little one for the first time at the hospital on the anniversary of Emelyn's "diagnosis ultrasound" which was really neat and unexpected - it made for one emotional mommy!  And then we had our first doctor appointment just a few days later.  Baby is measuring a few days small which could just be because I ovulated a little late but the heart beat was good and strong at 162bpm and baby even bounced around a little for us.  Doctor Pier says that everything looks normal, he will be seeing me for the duration of the pregnancy.  He even gave me his cell phone number in case I need anything between our appointments. 

It has definitely been WAY more emotional than I had expected going through another pregnancy, especially right in the middle of all of the milestones that we are reaching with Emelyn.  I do not feel at all like this baby is, in any way, a replacement for my precious Em but it is difficult to go through a new pregnancy without being bombarded with memories of emotions I felt when I was going through all of this with her.  I am definitely more nervous this time around but I am excited that our first anatomy scan is in just a little over 5 weeks, it gives me something to look forward to and, hopefully, an endpoint to at least some of my nerves.  Five weeks feels like an eternity but I know it will be here before we know it.  At this point, it feels like it can't come fast enough.  I can't wait to be able to hear and share the words "healthy baby!" 

"I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me."

-Philippians 4:13

Where Sorrow and Joy Coincide

I have been struggling since our Emelyn's passing with feelings of both pain for every new thing that we are experiencing without our precious little girl mixed with joy for the journey that lies ahead for our family.  This new pregnancy has only strengthened both emotions and at times, it is both confusing and frustrating!  Sometimes it feels as if the cloud of sorrow that surrounds me is never going to go away.  It has been easy for me to become frustrated and try to do everything I can to try to "change" or "overcome" it but today I learned today that having both sorrow and joy is okay (and necessary). 

Ezra 3:10-13
¹⁰ When the builders laid the foundation of the temple of the LORD, the priests in their vestments and with trumpets, and the Levites (the sons of Asaph) with cymbals, took their places to praise the LORD, as prescribed by David king of Israel. ¹¹ With praise and thanksgiving they sang to the LORD:
   “He is good;
   his love toward Israel endures forever.”
   And all the people gave a great shout of praise to the LORD, because the foundation of the house of the LORD was laid. ¹² But many of the older priests and Levites and family heads, who had seen the former temple, wept aloud when they saw the foundation of this temple being laid, while many others shouted for joy. ¹³ No one could distinguish the sound of the shouts of joy from the sound of weeping, because the people made so much noise. And the sound was heard far away.

The foundation that is being built in me is not of stone, but of flesh and blood.  Father knows that we have seen the former "temple" pass away in our precious angel and at times, we will experience great joy and at others, great weeping as the new "temple" is built within me.  Although it doesn't say either the sorrow or the joy was more loud than the other (at times it may be one or the other), our cries will not be silenced and God will be honored!  The new temple is being built even as I write this!!

I know it's a funny analogy but when I found it, I was so deeply touched - God is so good!

My whole word revolved around Emelyn for so long and it broke my heart to see her go but also to see the pain that she was in for so long.  Although it all makes absolutely no sense to me, I trust my Father.  And from that day forward, I truly MEAN it when I say that my children belong to Him and I will treasure EVERY second that He chooses to bless me with them.  They are a most precious gift.  

New Beginnings

We went to visit Emelyn tonight and to give her some very special news.  We told her that she is going to be a big sister!!  We wanted her to be the first to know.  


I thought that it would be really exciting to tell her but I surprised myself and cried the whole way through it.  I so wish that she could be here with us to be a part of all that is taking place in our family and to welcome her new little brother or sister to the family.


Justin and I are so excited for this new chapter in our lives.  It truly feels like an angel has come and hand-delivered this special blessing to us at the perfect time.  As Justin leaves for Afghanistan for another 7 1/2 months, we feel blessed to have the baby to help us pass the time and for something very special to look forward to when he comes home!  I know that little Em is excited to be a big sister :).


God is good, He heard our cries and He answered us.  He knows the desires of our hearts.




Mommy to three beautiful angels,
blessed and full of hope for the promises of tomorrow