Finding Joy in the Holidays

The holidays have come and gone but not without both heartache and joy.  It was Justin's first Thanksgiving and Christmas with Anna which was a lot of fun!  But we couldn't help but feel like Emelyn was "missing."  For Thanksgiving, we lit a candle and displayed two yellow roses next to her pictures at both dinners.

On Thanksgiving day, we brought her a dozen yellow roses and daddy made his little girl her very own snow man - so sweet!

At Christmastime, we wrapped a present for her and put it under the tree and then we brought it to her on Christmas Day.  At our family Christmases, we lit a candle near her picture with a yellow rose again.

Often when we go to visit, we find that Auntie Kandice has come by to leave flowers and a little note.  Nothing could mean more to a mom!  I still cry every time I show up to find that she has come by and Christmas was no different.

My only wish is that our family would begin to understand our heart for our daughter.  We are still feeling like she is continually left out, as if she were never a part of our family.  Christmas began and ended with tears for me only because I hope that, someday, our family will truly understand the precious gift that we were given in Emelyn Rayne.  It absolutely breaks my heart to not have her included in our family in the same way that Anna is.  Emelyn's journey here was not quite as long but it is no less significant and she is every bit as much my daughter as her sweet sister.  I just have to believe that, in time, they will understand my heart.

I often feel like she is "avoided" only because she makes them feel uncomfortable because they don't know what to say or how to act.   I just need them to understand that, although it isn't what any of us wanted, this IS our life and we can't run from it.  They lost a granddaughter/great-granddaughter too and it IS a big deal!

All this to say, we did have a wonderful holiday.  Justin and I know in our hearts, that although most people will never understand what we have gone through or how we would like things to be now, that their hearts are for us and that they genuinely do love us and want to help.  We have learned to be content in knowing that we have each other and that, if nothing else, we understand one another and, with God, we can do this together!